Blog

What secure attachment in adults looks like in relationships, how it relates to trust, and how it is involved in healthy relationships.

Part Two of a story illustrating and analysing how anxious attachment feels in a relationship.

An illustrative story of how an anxiously attached person might experience relationships. The first companion post to the Avoidant Attachment: What's Really Going On Inside series.

Imagine it’s your birth day today, the very first day you arrive on the outside. There’s a person or two to take you home and whether they realise it (or are ready to) or not, they’re about to start shaping the adult you become. Their job on top of that, is to keep you alive until you’re old enough to do it yourself. Your job, as a brand new being, is to do the things that encourage the people to meet your needs. Early on, you’re running on pure instinct. You make the noise

Can relationships work when one person has an anxious attachment style and the other has an avoidant attachment style?

Understand two of the most common reasons people with anxious and avoidant attachment styles attract one another.

Part two of a two part story and clinical analysis illustrating the internal experience of someone who is avoidantly attached in a relationship.

An illustrative story of what's going on inside for an avoidantly attached person in a relatonship.

Learn about the common childhood experiences that can create an avoidant attachment style.

Perhaps your relationship started off so promising. When you were first dating, you were excited. Your new person seemed so into you. It was fun, kinda hot, probably. How could this person possibly be single? Sure, maybe you'd heard about their heartbreaker reputation. Or their ex was crazy. Or they were absolutely locked into their study or career so of course they didn't have time for a serious relationship. And of course, they hadn't met you yet. Well, maybe there were a f

If you're wondering if you might have an avoidant attachment style, or trying to understand the thinking of a partner who does, this article begins to explain how an avoidantly attached person might think about and experience relationships. Important Note: Always remember that attachment style labels are broad categories, and every person is an individual. You or your partner may or may not relate to some or all of the ideas below. How an avoidantly attached person might thin

The pursuer-distancer dynamic is a cycle in which one partner wants to move towards connection or conflict resolution, while the other desires space and autonomy.

A therapist's insight into why couples therapy might not work, and what to do about it.

Learn about the origins of the four attachment styles from attachment theory and how you can recognise them in relationships.

Are relationships supposed to be hard? How much work should a relationship be? And what are you supposed to work on anyway? Firstly: Yes, healthy, close relationships do take work, and sometimes that will be hard. And - relationships shouldn’t always be hard, because that means issues aren’t being dealt with effectively. Relationships should overall add value to your life, not be a constant source of drain and stress. Despite the romantic notion, love is not enough and cann

Sex and money. Two of the most common sources of conflict and disconnect between couples. Both can be sensitive and complex topics in any relationship, triggering emotions, past experiences, judgements, expectations, and power dynamics. They often link to deep-seated beliefs and fears which make it understandably difficult to stay calm and open to each other’s views. Open and honest communication strategies that can withstand any topic are crucial for building a strong, lasti

The emotion of guilt makes a frequent appearance in my sessions with clients. Some are visited by feelings of guilt almost daily. Guilt (or the avoidance of it, because it is so unpleasant), determines their choices, actions, and how they spend their time. When it drives decision-making, it is also often followed hotly by obligation and its twin, resentment. This post explores the ideas of appropriate and inappropriate guilt, as well as the difference between guilt and shame.

Learn the structure of an effective apology to repair relationships or patch up after an argument.

Discerning and setting your boundaries, how to use the concept of internal and external boundaries effectively, and boundary maintenance strategies.

Learn what hyper-independence looks like in relationships and how it impacts, where hyper-independence comes from, and how it can link to an avoidant attachment style.